Friday, March 20, 2009

Memories of the NICU and God's grace!

The nice weather we have been having lately makes me anxious for Spring! We'll get a couple of warm days though and then it gets cold! Alex is loving the warm weather and I was able to take Elijah out for some fresh air.

I am getting a little concerned about Elijah's development. I know it will take a while for him to catch up. After all he was four months early, he also went through two major surgeries, one of them when he was only a few days old. It is amazing that they can do surgery on such a tiny baby. His doctors are actually amazed at him and he has been called a "miracle" more than once! Last week he was weighed, his weight was 16 pounds exactly! It was by the Grace of God that he survived.

I remember the night of his surgery well because it was the night I went to the E.R. and found out I had blood clots in my lungs. I believe me and Elijah both came close to going home that night! I am so thankful that God saved us, I'm thankful he left me here for my children.

I was sitting in my hospital room, on supplemental oxygen when two NICU doctors came into my room. This happened often during those early weeks (yes I was in the hospital off and on for three months). Every time I saw those doctors coming I knew it was bad news, and every time they came I felt like they were teaming up on me. It usually started with them telling me how sick the babies were (I knew this). Then they would focus on everything that was wrong with the babies and how slim the chances were that they would have any quality of life. Well this particular time they were trying to convince me to discontinue care on Elijah, Lucas was actually doing well at that time, aside from having a Grade IV bleed in his brain.

Elijah was bleeding from his surgical site, his blood had been transfused so many times that all of the blood in his body had been replaced. They said he would not make it through the night. We should come down and see him one last time, we should think about taking him off the respirator and end his suffering. One of the doctors was crying and they almost had me convinced. But, something deep inside of me told me NO! I honestly believe it was the voice of God. I did go to the NICU that night. Instead of allowing the nurses to take Elijah off the respirator, instead of holding him as he breathed his last breath (as we would do with our Lucas a few weeks later), instead of doing these things I decided to reach into the isollette of that tiny, sick, pale, and lifeless baby. I put my hand over his stomach where the blood was soaking through the bandages, as donated blood dripped into his veins. I simply prayed, as so many friends and family were doing back home. I don't remember the words I said, but I do know that God healed that baby. I went back to my hospital room and my husband and Alex went back to the Ronald McDonald House. It is amazing how the fear left me, I knew that that tiny little body was in the hands of God. I knew that the will of God would be done no matter what and that I had made the right decision.

The next morning the phone didn't ring, I called down to the NICU to see how Elijah was doing. I was told that the bleeding had stopped during the night, and they didn't want to take the bloody gauze of yet in fear of restarting the bleeding. I knew that the bleeding would not start again, and even when they tore that gauze off it didn't.

After that I had peace about Elijah, not to say my faith wasn't tested time and again. Like when they told me a head scan had shown that Elijah had a grade four bleed, that was gone by the next scan. Then a few weeks later they decided they saw a cyst in his brain, he was sent for a MRI and guess what. There was no cyst.

As you know recently we were told that the Cardiomyopathy Elijah had been diagnosed with in the NICU and that was confirmed by another Cardiologist once we came home was no longer there. More prayers sent up by so many people, and a another touch from God.

I don't care what anyone says. I know my God lives and I know he loves us and that he still heals, if it is his will. I know he has a special plan for Elijah's life, and I know he wants Elijahs life to be a testimony of his Grace and his Glory!

I have been in God's presence so many times. He was there when he was healing my Elijah and he was there when Lucas left my arms and flew into his loving arms. So no matter what you are going through, please know that God is still there, you just have to seek his presence, he will never leave us.

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